I wonder if Matilda talks to The Bitch. Matilda, as you may recall, is my GPS. I have a friend who calls hers “The Bitch,” as in “You better listen to the bitch, she knows how to get there.” As I drove into work this morning I fell to wondering about what Matilda is doing when she is not telling me “In point five miles take the ramp to I-540 East. Then stay right.” Sometimes I wonder if she is talking to The Bitch:
Matilda: “I mean if he is just going to turn whenever he wants why turn me on to begin with?”Another image reveals a bunch of folks who didn’t quite make the cut to be air-traffic controllers sitting in a room full of monitors. Each one has a couple of dozen little cars running around on their screens. If they click on a car a script pops up: “British Female Voice: In point five miles take the ramp to I-540 East. Then stay right.” They read the script, with appropriate accent, into a microphone. And there is a big red button right by their mouse that says “Recalculating.” They keep hitting it, over and over and over.
The Bitch: “Tell me about it. Yesterday my human said she wanted to go to the mall and then just drove to the grocery store. I’m squawking my head off, and she just cranks up the radio! Geez, what a bitch!”
I know it doesn’t work that way – what bothers me is that I really have no idea how it does work. When Matilda says “Acquiring Satellite” is she, like, watching me? How does she know when I turn off her desired path? And when she always tells me to turn the wrong way on E. Durham Road? What’s going on there? Coffee break? Potty call? Talking to The Bitch?
I probably don’t really want to know . . . .